he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm like, not good at living.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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