We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
