big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
