My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
