I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
