The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had sex bonerless
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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