I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
