YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
