whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize