I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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