i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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