I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
