do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
