He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
