bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
soo... how was my night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
