There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
