Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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