I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
