Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
