Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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