I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize