it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
