Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
