Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
