Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
