i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's like iHOP with fire
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize