I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
