forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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