I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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