i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
