We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize