just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize