moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
