Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
