it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
