My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize