My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
