I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
