You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
