I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
