He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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