fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
