Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
