Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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