i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
