three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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