he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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