Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
