I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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