I wannas sexs uuuuu
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
