So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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