he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
