so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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