you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im holly from the hills drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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