He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
