From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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