we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
