Fuck appropriateness.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
