Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
