I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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