I wish I only lived at night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
