look no pants
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
