dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
