Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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