I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
