I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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