Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
