They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
