Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
