just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
